Sovereignty

It has taken me a couple of days to gather my thoughts, cause honestly I am just in awe. The Lord has left me speechless, which is not a bad thing for me ;-).

Jesus has done a lot of beautiful things in my life. He has extended to me a great deal of grace. He has loved me tenderly, and he has been firm with me as a parent to their temper tantrum throwing child. About four years ago, he grabbed ahold of me, and rescued me from a sadly luke warm life. Since then he has been teaching me two lessons over and over. I guess I wasnt getting it!

The first was redemption. He showed me what his redeeming love looks like in me. What it looks like in others. He taught me how to tune out lies, and listen to his truth spoken over my heart. This is a lesson on who I am. Defined only by God's grace. Anything that might be called "righteous" in my life is only through his power, and only an expression of thanks to him. My defining characteristic though is that I am HIS. My successes and failures only matter in the light of his mercy.

But he has also been teaching me a lesson on who He is as well. HE IS SOVERIGN. Absolute power, and in complete control. He knows every intimate detail of every situation, past, present and future, and he knows the results. He understands the pain, the loss, the effects of sin, as well as the victory, the love, and the grand story of the cross and resurrection. 

Sovereignty means I trust him wholly. It means I trust his bigger vision when something terrible happens that I am powerless to change. It means I trust his ability to change it cause he is able. And it means I trust his decisions even when he doesnt intervene.

It means I am learning to take the scripture that he works all things to good of those that love him very seriously, because I see how he has used some of the yuckiest circumstances in my life to do some of the best work in me.

I am now standing looking back having seen both sides of his soverignty and can I just say he has to be praised!

I have some areas in my life that He has not "fixed". They are broken. And they hurt, and my heart is broken, but he has granted me a surreal peace in resting in his presence. Waiting and praying. Through this he has radically changed my relationship with him. I would not take back one single moment I have shared with him through this for all treasures of the world. I am at long last, grateful for the yucky stuff, because of what he has worked out to my good.

And yet, I thought I was going to enter another season of just trusting him through the unresolved yucky, and I was in pain.

First we lost dear Megan to a situation reaking of political filth. Then God showed us Andrea, and he attached her to my heart in a way that I was not expecting. I've never met her, yet it feels very simliar to the anticipation of meeting my sweet children when I was pregnant with them. No one could reverse that love, even as we had to wait to meet them and love them. But our homestudy hit road blocks that I feared would stop the adoption. On top of that, we learned that Andrea may be transferred to an institution very soon, and there was nothing we could do to stop it. The orphanage she is in is nice. It is no home with a Mommy and Daddy, but it is better than some of the horrifying conditions I have heard and read about. But the mental assilym? Often children dont live long after the transfer to such places because of the horrid care. What would happen if we couldnt go and get her? And what would the affects be, even if we could but she had to live THERE while waiting for us.

Let me be clear......God DOES NOT NEED ME to rescue this child. He can absolutely rescue her any way he chooses and he loves her far more than we ever will be able too, even after we've spent a lifetime loving her as her mommy and daddy. But I was broken, cause he had asked US to be his vessels. Why stop now? Why all the confirmation, the beautiful changes in hearts, and great provisions if it was all to stop here anyway?

And the icing on the cake? Our Pastor this sunday preached a sermon preparing me for this very thing. Trusting him even when nothing makes sense. Trusting him through yucky. I fell apart. Really? I get it Lord, I promise I really do, but this isnt about me, its about Andrea. So there it was, the alter, three feet in front of me, waiting for an epic cry complete with snot. (I'm not a pretty crier......lovely infront of the church :-)). I begged God on her behalf. I cried. And prayed for his intervention. I also told him, I would trust his soverignty, whatever the outcome. And two dear friends prayed with me. Ironically, one whose had two succesful adoptions, and one who had an adoption fall through of a precious boy I know she loved fiercly. What perfect warriors to pray with me. And can I just say, prayer mattters, its powerful.

And you know what? He heard my prayer and ANSWERED!!!! I could absolutely explode. Our homestudy is just fine and back on track with confirmation from our in country representative. She encouraged me above and beyond, and said charge forward. On top of that she met with the Central Authority in Andrea's country and made a request. That she remain in the orphange until we can come and get her. And you know what they did? They honored that request! They are keeping her safely sound in the orphanage for an extra year, just to give us enough time! And God answered every prayer I spoke at that alter within three days. I can think of no better way to end this post than praising his works with scripture. I hope this will bring encouragement to you today, whatever you may be facing.

Psalms 105:1-5

Give thanks to Lord, call on his name;

make known among the nations what he has done.

Sing to him, sing praise to him;

tell of all his wonderful acts.

Glory in his holy name;

let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.

Look to the Lord and his strength;

seek his face always.

Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles,

and the judgements he pronounced.