Why?

Probably the question I have been asked most through this adoption is "why Special needs?"

I had a kind, but sad moment today and it broke my heart. Her intentions were abosultely pure, and I am grateful for her sincere thanks to me. But she was missing it. Her eyes saw just far enough to disability, but did not see the person I see.

Today we went out to see a cute play with the kids I work with, followed by lunch at a hamburger joint. The kids all sat quietly and respectfully through the play. They giggled at all the right spots, and couldnt stop talking about it afterwards. We had a nice lunch together and all took a deep breath of rest, not having to focus on math worksheets, spelling lessons, and sensory routines. We watched H's (I'll leave their names out) eyes light up and a grin spread from ear to ear as she was handed a chocolate shake she had patiently waited for. She may be non-verbal, but her delight was extremely evident. We chatted  with A &A about the funny moments of the play and how they couldnt wait to go home and tell their parents and grandparents. And little miss G stubbornly refused to eat because she was sad she had to leave her friends behind. ha! sounds like a typical kid to me. C, who happens to be blind, held the doors for all of us like a true gentleman. If I'm not mistaken he did it without being asked.

As we were leaving an older lady looked at me and what must have seemed like quite a crew and with sadness in her eyes said "God bless you ladies for what you do."

I wanted to say "no they are a blessing to me", but I felt awkward and simply thanked her. I didnt want to make her feel bad for what was clearly meant to be a compliment. But my thoughts are true. I am not saying there are never any  tough days. There certainly are. But the beauty of my job is I get to work with both the Special Needs kids and the regular classroom and tough days are tough days, no matter where they take place. Teaching 5th grade Math is not suddenly the easy road. 

What makes me feel this way is these children are human beings first. Made in the image of God. And quite often their desires, delights, and personalities  shine far more brightly and give us a glimpse into the soul. A dear pastor friend said to me once "nothing gives you a better glimpse into the character of God than a child with special needs". I whole heartedly agree wtih him. When I hear C 'galloping' down the hallway doing his "glee engine" as a previous teacher used to call his laugh, I am refreshed by the unbridled joy that fills every crack and crevice of that school. How many kids or adults can laugh that way without thoughts of  life's pressures, or  fear of what others will think?

I love my job for the endless suprises it brings. How, without fail, each kid exceeds my expectations over and over again. I cherish the memory of C (who is "non verbal" and many are shocked to find he can read) reading a book outloud to his 4th grade class at the end of the year. I love watching G, from a new school, painfully shy and with autism....all things that should make finding friends a real challenge, giggle and laugh with three very close friends who she boldly invited over to play at her home recently. When a child who shouldnt be able to read dives into a Dr. Seuss book. When a boy who doesnt speak asks his mom for a cheese burger at the drive through......pausing to say hamburger with cheese in case she wasnt sure what he wanted. When a child in a wheel chair gets to play basketball in front of cheering fans. When a succesful speaker at our school tells us he graduated high school at a 2nd grade reading level and still went on to complete college. When a young man, my dear sweet brother, is proud of his two part time jobs that should have been too much of a challenge.

And the days when they don't meet my expectations. When sounding out a word we've gone over 100 times is painful at every step. When the child who can read, and speak when he shouldn't, cant finish a sentence on paper. When you wish you knew what that puzzle piece was so you could make the connection. I cherish those days too. They force me to pause, slow down, and focus on what matters here and now, instead of the fast paced, goal oriented society  we live in. They force you to stop and smell the roses.

So why are we adopting a child with special needs? I tried to express my reasons to someone recently, and all she could say was "but they need help. Thats who they are, they need so much help."
Again, I was sad........are we all missing it? Maybe after a lifetime of surrounding myself with this, my view is jaded. But I suspect there are others out there who agree with me. Who wouldn't want to surround yourself with someone who reaks of unbridled joy, or someone who has a work ethic that most succesful CEO's dont have, or always exceeds your expectations, or forces you to slow down and enjoy life and stop worrying about what people think. Or even someone who asks for help. We all need a little help. I hope we all can be brave enough to ask for a little help.